Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize