Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
