I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
