Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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