Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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