he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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