3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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