I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
