I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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