i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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