Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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