If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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