It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize