Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
