i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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