i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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