My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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