Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
