Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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