Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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