i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
