You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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