I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
