Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
