i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
