all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
