sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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