Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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