***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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