my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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