i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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