and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
