Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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