Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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