This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize