why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
