Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
