Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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