I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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