I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
