God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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