Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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