you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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