But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He shit in the fireplace
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
