ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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