I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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