I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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