just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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