Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
