I CAN MOONWALK!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
