my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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