She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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