When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize