I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
