oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
