are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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