His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
