the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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