I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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