drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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