Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
