your parents love me but you hate me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
