I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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