I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
