I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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