maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm both gender and math confused
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
