My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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