Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
