so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i dont even know how to be here
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
