Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
