I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
